I was a little nervous at posting since I feel like everyone is going to think Im exaggerating and ungrateful but here it goes. Background info: I’m currently a junior in highschool. I’m Hispanic, and come from a low-income family. I’ll be the first one in my family to graduate from college. I’ve always loved school. Ever since I was little I knew I wanted to go to a good college and help my family. I did well for most of my school life. I was accepted into a middle school that helped low-income students in getting into the best high schools in the state. The middle school had a rigorous curriculum and most students dropped out because they couldn’t handle the pressure. The school was from 7 to 5 PM. I did well and graduated with mostly A’s with a few B’s. I was accepted into my first choice highschool in which I receive SO MUCH financial aid plus books and transportation to school. The school is an hour away which means I have to wake up very early in order to reach my bus stop. If I miss the bus I can’t go to school, which was already happened once. I return home in the evening. I don’t even relax after school. I do homework, eat, shower, than sleep.
Currently I am doing so bad at the school that I think have a GPA of less that 85%. I won’t be surprised if I’m at the bottom 20% in my school. My school has honors and AP classes, however if you want to take honors or AP, you have to apply. I have applied many times to honors and AP classes but i have never been accepted into one which is embarrassing when everyone around me believes that I take all advanced classes. It’s embarrassing when everyone around you has taken at least one honors class except you. It took me till junior year to make friends and even then i feel lonely. I wasted my entire freshman and sophomore year by myself studying for tests just to get a B-. I told myself why try to make friends when you can study, yet that made me miserable. I took the SATs and ACTs in the fall and my stats were very horrible. I did 70% better than other students in the test scores.
One of my dream schools was Uchicago, but I don’t have a chance anymore. It just hurts to know that you worked so hard at school since the age of 10 just to know you’ll never have a chance to get into your dream school. I feel like I wasted my time in middle school studying when I should’ve been having a fun time. I hate waking up to school very early . I hate being in the bus for more than an hour. I hate having to be at home by evening desiring to relax only to know that i still have homework to do. I hate my grades. I just hate…everything. I don’t regret applying to this school but the school stresses me out a lot. Dropping out and going to my public school isn’t an option to me because many people that I know will humiliate me for it and I just can’t throw away a lot of financial aid in the trash. The only thing working in my favor is affirmative action, my extracurricular activities, and the fact that I love humanities. The only excuse for my bad grades is that something occurred during my sophomore year but that’s about it. Currently I’m studying for the SAT and ACT to raise my scores a little. I honestly just want to graduate highschool by this point.